Things I learned on the short leash
And yet another change!
Things I finally embraced on the short leash while caring for my mother:
It’s Ok to enjoy life (echoes from a difficult childhood, where it wasn’t Ok)
Don’t feel I have to save the world every day
Don’t feel I have to use 16 hours of every day doing something considered work
Stop feeling guilty for doing things I enjoy (similar but not the same as the enjoying life category (again, echoes from childhood)
Never Say Never
I keep saying that 😊. My brother and I got Mom’s care straightened out where I no longer need to be there on a fulltime basis. She’s still happily at home, and now I am back home in Central Florida.
It’s been about a month, and I couldn’t be happier. And even though I love the Emerald Coast and miss being here, there really is no place like home.
Writing update: I’m settling back in, almost as if I’ve never been gone. Still writing of course, primarily adding to my columns (all listed on my homepage) and updating the 2nd edition of my book on God and Women. You can read it here on Substack.
Fitness Tip: After my morning writing, most days I still go to the gym. Would it surprise you to know I often have to trick myself into going? Yes, I’m naturally lazy 😊.
What I usually do when I’m feeling particularly like not moving, is tell myself that I don’t have to do anything when I get there. I kid you not. Maybe a very slow stroll on the treadmill or hit a few machines with almost no weight, just to say I moved.
What happens when I get there, is I usually get motivated to do a tad more, sometimes a lot more😊💪.
The serendipity comes in the form of social contact, which I badly need because I’m a ridiculous loner and homebody. I often have to force myself out of the house. Sometimes it’s only a few greetings, sometimes more, with acquaintances I’ve met over the years. Those two things, physical activity and contact with other humans, usually energize me physically and mentally for what’s left of my day.
Lots more going on. I’ll save the rest for another update! One last thing before I close:
Tips for conversing with someone with Alzheimer’s:
Be aware of their level of cognition and keep it simple. With Mom, I find that friends and relatives don’t realize they can’t have the same kinds of conversations with her they’ve always been accustomed to.
Don’t ask questions like, “Do you know who I am?” “Guess who’s coming to visit next month?” Or, when calling on the phone, “Do you know who this is?” Tell them immediately who you are, e.g., “I’m Jocelyn. I’m your daughter.”
If they remember you, you’ll know it. If they don’t remember you, they’re probably happy to see or hear from you anyway. I had one sweet Alzheimer’s patient who didn’t remember me, give me the biggest hug while exclaiming, “I wish I could remember all the people I loved!”
Think toddler. Keep conversation in the present, ... unless they remember something good and want to talk about it.
Don’t ask complicated questions or converse about people and places you don’t realize they may have forgotten. This confuses and can agitate them.
And lastly, “Play the Game.” If they think their long-dead spouse or other loved one is still alive (including their mothers), please, do not correct them. Play the game. Correcting an Alzheimer’s patient about these things is not helpful. It’s actually torture for them, as they will soon forget your well-meaning correction and, just as if it is the first time they are being told, relive their painful losses every time they are informed of them. So be merciful and don’t do it.
Thanks for being interested enough to read this far 😊🤗. Until next time! ~~ Jocelyn
Jocelyn Andersen is the author of several non-fiction books. She and writes and speaks on a variety of topics. Her work has been featured in magazines, newspapers, radio, and television.
Connect with Jocelyn on Facebook, Goodreads, LinkedIn, and X. Links to all her Substack columns are HERE.